2010 BMW X6 M - Road Test

Ironmein: We subject BMW’s latest M-spawned monster to a triathlon and find that 555 horsepower can change opinions about fat SUVs.

When folks first happen upon BMW’s peculiarly proportioned X6, they can’t get over its skyscraper butt. Many can’t get around it, either. Were you to walk into the X6’s liftgate at midnight outside the Sidetrack Tap, the thing would nail you not in the gut but in the Adam’s apple. But we’re not here to dissect styling. The proposition before us is power. One would have thought that the 400 horses under the hood of the X6 xDrive50i might have been sufficient. BMW’s M division didn’t think so. And thus we have the X6 M depicted here, which is to the evolution of SUVs sort of what the appendix is to the evolution of Homo sapiens.

To the 4.4-liter V-8, the ever-tinkering Bavarians have added new pistons, cylinder heads formed of the same material used in their diesel engine, a new intake manifold, a crossover exhaust manifold that connects both cylinder banks, a finned aluminum oil pan, altered cam timing, and two new twin-scroll turbos that provide max boost of 17.4 psi, which ought to Chernobyl just about anything made of aluminum. And there are even larger intercoolers in the grille, which look like the air inlets for the Pentagon’s backup generator. This particular recipe yields 555 horsepower and 500 pound-feet of torque rolling out as early as 1500 rpm. Which should be fun. On the other hand, Frisbee golf is fun. But does anyone take it seriously?

What, exactly, do you do with a vaguely nonsensical 555-horse SUV? Our answer: Subject it to a nonsensical vehicular triathlon.